Domestic Violence

[T_B_H]

i'm really sure wether this subject is right or not for a poker forum, i guess time and responce's will determine that.

however its a fact of life that some unfortunatly have to endure and from personal experience i know how very hard it is to talk about or discuss

i guess from a man's perspective its hard to admit because where supposed to be the "domanent" sex, but for me that was never an issue, it was more that i would never retaliate, for me to do that and lift a hand and strike a women back would have made me worse.

and of course violence/abuse does not have to be physical, in many ways verbal leaves much deeper scars that never heal where as physical ones do (black eyes etc

all i have come to understand is that it happens to men and women unfortunatly, and we try and "hide" it under the carpet and pretend it never happened

for me i have had some closure today, but i know the experience and memories will never leave me.. and my deeepest sympathy goes out to anyone who has experienced the same sort of thing

[chuckster66]

T B H What ever issues you have endured in the past,I find that the fact that you brought this to the public is admirable to say the least.You mentioned that you had some closure today,I feel you wanted to share that with your friends.Finding closure on any emotional basis is one of the nearly impossible things to do,many people never get there my friend.

I wish you peace.And my sympathy as well to anyone who is enduring this.

[CaptainSandy]

Not sure what to say, m8, but sounds like your moving on.

A very good male friend of mine endured a number of years of physical abuse from his wife; we all new about it (not the full extent though) and to my great shame did nothing except pull his leg about it. Maybe that's what 'blokes' think they're supposed to do, but what can they do...not sure.

His suffering ended when she left him for another man who was the complete opposite of my friend and definately was not pushed around.

All the best.

[del_boy]

errm kev don't really know how to respond to this thread
as i have never experienced it my self thank god!

the fact that you never retaliated for that you must be
highly commended for it must have been extremely hard not to.

so glad you have got some sort of closure
and maybe you can move from it and i hope 2011 will be
a much better year for you m8.

[StCathy]

Im glad to hear you got closure today hun.

Domestic violence, or any violence is horrible.
I hope with time wounds will heal,
( mentally and physical)

I wish you a happy future.


Maybe this thread will help others in some way, who is, or has suffered from violence, and let then know not to suffer alone.

[hondajazz]

Im glad you shared that and that you are moving on. All best wishes for the new year. The only way is up :=}

[roo27]

New Beginnings


It's only the beginning now
...a pathway yet unknown
At times the sound of other steps
...sometimes we walk alone

The best beginnings of our lives
May sometimes end in sorrow
But even on our darkest days
The sun will shine tomorrow.

So we must do our very best
Whatever life may bring
And look beyond the winter chill
To smell the breath of spring.

Into each life will always come
A time to start anew
A new beginning for each heart
As fresh as morning dew.

Although the cares of life are great
And hands are bowed so low
The storms of life will leave behind
The wonder of a rainbow.

The years will never take away
Our chance to start anew
It's only the beginning now
So dreams can still come true.

[scgirl]

Best wishes Kev...I'm glad to hear ya movin' on and got some closure.
Unfortunately the scares will remain...you'll never forget...if I told ya they don't I would be a liar.
Mental abuse to me is much worse than the physical abuse...that's just my opinion. Bein' a victim of both, I can say that. But the physical abuse is awful. I lived in with abusive husband for 9 yrs.
Most women will say, oh I would never allow any man to abuse me...but, until you are in 'em shoes ya don't know what you'd do...sad I know.
But my weddin' vows said for better or worse and really thought I was supposed to deal with it and live with abuse. I can't really explain it, but after the abuse...everything is wonderful...feels like ya are back on ya honeymoon...but it's only a cycle...it doesn't last. But durin' that time the abuser is the most lovin', carin' and kind person. And ya think things are gonna change....however it don't and the cycle starts over.
Lucky I grew up and realized that God didn't intend on me gettin' abused to the extent that I was....Plus the fact I had a baby boy that was also wittnessin' this, and didn't want him to grow up thinkin' this is how men treated ladies.
The last time( we was at a party) I got abused was one night I was drugged down brick steps by my feet and down the side walk...he jerked me up threw me in the car...punched in the face with a close fist...he got in the car and I thought 'bout jumpin' outta the car while he was drivin'...but was to scared...we got home, he drugged me into the house and ripped all the phone cords out of the wall and dared me to try to leave. I was in so much pain...I couldn't move anyway...lucky ppl. at the party had seen some of what happened and tried callin' me and couldn't get me on the phone, so they called the police to come check on me...He went to jail that night. I went to my daddy the next day, and told him I was tired and couldn't live with it anymore....and asked him if me and my son could stay with him until I could get my EX outta my house....of course he said yes....
So anyway I still live with nightmares and certain smells will trigger memories.
But I did remarry and have a wonderful husband...he also loves my son and took care of both of us. And have been married to my 2nd hubby for 13 yrs.
Just wanted to share this not for any kind of sympathy, but just let anyone livin' in abuse know that you will never change abusive person, and to seek help...and get out of it...your life is worth so much more.
Sincerely, scgirl

[blondy1010]

T B H,
I was also a victim of abuse, I just want to say good luck and best wishes for you future. I also want to say well done for bringing it to peoples attention; that it is not always women who are abused but men to.
Even though I have been with my husband for 19 years, the abuse didnt stop until I left the U.K, nearly 8 years ago. For the past 8 years now I have not once had to look over my shoulder in fear.

Again Best Wishes and Good Luck for the future.

[nolakay]

No ones alone with this issue. I was mentally abused for 20 years until i was strong enough to leave. Trouble is when u have kids u do believe it will get better but it never does. Stupid me then fell for someone that not only mentally abused me but started to get pshyical too. Then with the help of my kids and actually a few freinds here i realised i deserved better.
Now my daughter and her son & I are happy and safe. I have a wonderful man in my life who after 2 years we are finally going to meet in march .
I know it happens to men as much as women. Kev im glad you to can finally move on. You deserve so much more . With putting this thread up for all to read makes you even stronger. Just remember even though a lot of us dont live in the UK we are ur friends and we will always be here to surport u in anyway we can.
Freinds for EVER
Kay xx

[Arezzo]

kev just read this...and to read what yourself and sc and many others have been through breaks my heart...these disturbed people that have put you all through hell hate themselves...remember that always...but do not care about reasons for why people treat you the way they do...KNOW you deserve better!!...what ever you think of yourself is who you "ARE"...when you expect better you get better...I think you all have realized how wonderful you really are...and from here on it will only get "better" for ...don't ever let anyone EVER put you down again!!!...surround yourselves with positive people...this site will help because we all love you all!!!...and kev "may" we keep calling you shorty PLEASSSSSE!...we only call you that cause your so cute!!!...(bty...luv the "cookie monster" thing you got going on now)...and in closing me thinks this "New Year" is going to be all good for you...xxx

[symbolon]

It happened to me as well Kev a very long time ago, I have learned to deal with it, it never goes totally away in your mind, but I can see that you are on the mend.

There will be a lady out there who is perfect for you. I was lucky and found my fella.

Important not to let others change your personality and to be true to yourself and how you were raised.

AAAAnd you have a great sense of humour any woman would love!!!!!!!!!!

xxsymxx

[shezzabell]

kev im so glad youve dealt with this problem ...i wish you peace and happiness hun ,your a GREAT guy !!!!..no one deserves to live in fear ever xxx

[Amber30]

I say well done kev for posting this thread.
It's not an easy subject to talk about for those of us who have been through it.
I suffered very badly,not so long ago, from both physical and emotional abuse.
Like SC..my ex-husband was jailed.. and he wont be free for many years
but my daughter will grow up knowing what her dad did to her mother.
Although the physical abuse was too vile and degrading to talk about here,
I too found that it was the emotional abuse that left the worst scars.
I also learned how cowardly bullies and abusers really are..
often they will be full of sweet and innocent flattering talk in public..
which makes it more difficult for the victim to convince anyone that things are not what they appear.
Some will even suggest that the victims are troublemakers who just enjoy the drama.
I found that people who I thought of as friends were singing the praises of the person
who was doing the very thing they said they despised..
It was only after I finally moved out that the ultimate act of physical degradation happened and
the truth was revealed in my case.
I still have trouble sleeping and often spend nights here playing poker to help ward off the nightmares.(although sometimes my bets also give me nightmares)
I find solace in the company of my friends and in my music and I have a lovely daughter who keeps me busy.
All I can say kev is that I hope you will find love and happiness with someone who you can love and trust in return.
Love and time have a way of healing that nothing else can do.
If anyone deserves it you do.
Have a happy Christmas and may the new year bring you all you wish for. xx Amber

[maddarcy]

a very great thread domestic violence against women kids and on odd time a man .i was brought by my dad to only use your fist against another person for defence and to never hit a girl or lady and never fight some one smaller than u .but with the poverty the drugs and the drinking and family scares left from childhood the violence will always be there in people until eternity ..

[clarebear]

kev im so glad that u got closure today and that things are looking better for you,you have been through alot this year and you deserve to start a new life and be happy
you are a wonderful man and mean alot to me and pete,we wish you lots of happiness,love,joy,peacefor the furture
Im so sorry that many of you have suffered from this and that you are happy agian and have been able to move on even though you never forget

I WISH YOU ALL LOTS OF LOVE,HAPPINESS,JOY,PEACE FOR 2011
LOVE AND BIG BEAR HUGS LOVE CLARE AND PETE XXXX

[crinkle62]

Kev i'm so glad you can move on hun.... you deserve happiness.
I know from experience it takes time to recover from this and mental abuse especially takes a while, but i'm also here to admit, although i'm ashamed of it now, that i 'hit back' at times...sometimes first. It doesn't solve anything, but sometimes it seems the only solution to an end at that moment in time.

[fred913]

I sense a big sigh of relief Kev, everyone has said more or less all that I would. Since you came back on the tables, in retrospect, I think you have spoken like someone with a great weight off your mind. I can only say congratulations buddy and hope the rest of your life is much happier than the what has gone before.

[missy_cilia]

Hi Kev,its good you posted this thread,to talk about it with others.
I have had also had it with my ex husband in both ways fysical and
emotional,many blue eyes and grabbing by my throat where my little son was with,it was terrible. I think i know how you feel.
I have tried with him to go on but finally i was strong enough to leave him with my son.Thats when i meat Perry and after 6 years with each other just got married.
I wished i had done this before.
Its good to hear from others who had did experience.i think it helps you to go further with your life.
Kev i wish you all the luck and tc xx

[cuddycat]

You know I will always be there my friend as a lot of us are keep being strong and you know where I am if you need me