lets all have a laugh

[unclepony11]

some jokes to cheer everyone up!!!
You may have heard them before but here goes.

A guy walks into a bar with an octupus. He sits the octupus on a stool and announces that this is a very talented octupus, which can play any musical instrument in the world. Everyone laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he would bet £50 to anyone who had an instrument that the octupus can't play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and puts it beside the octupus. Immediately the octupus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Eric Clapton. The guitar man pays up his £50. Another guy comes up with a trumpet. This time the octupus plays like Miles Davis. The guy hands over his £50. Then comes a Scotsman and hands over a set of bagpipes the octupus fumbles with them for a few minutes and then sits back with a confused look. "HA HA says the Scotsman Can ye no play it?" The octupus looks at him and says "Play it??????? I'm gonna sleep with it as soon as i get these pyjamas off" !!!

Man walks into a bar and orders martini after martini, each time removing the olive and placing it in a jar. When the jar was full the man started to leave with the jar. " Excuse me sir" said a customer who was puzzled about what the guy had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing" said the man. "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives"

Did you hear about the blonde who broke her leg raking up the leaves??
she fell out of the tree.

Why do Austrailians have XXXX on front of their cans??
They can,t spell beer (sorry)

Last one my personal favourite!!!!

A couple go to an art galley. They come across a picture of a naked woman with her privates covered only by leaves. The wife isn't impressed and moves on, only to find her husband still staring at the picture. "What are you waiting for?" she asks. The husband replies "AUTUMN!!!"

Hope you enjoyed them, please feel free to post your own jokes to make us all laugh!!

[Ace_Queen]

Very funny lol..............1st is me fav lmao ..............

[funkyskunky]

lol liked them all but im with ACE
first one was very funny

[del_boy]

liked them all lol.heres an oldie.paddy & mick sittin in a pub.paddy says to mick ur goin very scarce on top .mick says nuthin much i can do about that.paddy says would u not think about havin a transplant.mick sure i would look very silly with a kidney on me head!!

[unclepony11]

lmao nice 1 delboy

[jamie_u]

lol like the bottom 2 haha

[bamarolltide]

lol all are great

[69kindagal]

tehehehehehe very funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyy xxx

[gary70]

hohohohohohohoha very good..n1 here's 1 4 ya

3 bodies turn up at the mortuary all with smiles on there faces.
cop asks the coroner,"why are they all smilling?"
coronersays"1st guy died of a heart attack while doing his wife,
hence the smile.2nd guy won the lottery,spent it all on whisky
and died of alcohol poisoning,hence the smile.
3rd guy was unusal-paddy from dublin,sruck by lightning!"
cop asks why the fek was he smilling?
coroner replies,"he thought he was having photo taken!"

[pam66]

lmao octupus 1one was great,