excuses..

[ASBO]

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He looks in his rear view mirror and notices a police car with its red lights. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy", so he floors it. The cars are racing down the highway - 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy realizes he can't outrun the cop so he gives up and pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror I thought you were that officer and you were trying to bring her back"......

[whitewo1f]

good one - lmao

One day a guy is speeding along the highway. As he goes flying over a bridge, a police cruiser pulls out and chases him down. When the Officer approaches the window he asks sarcastically, "ok, I got you on radar doing over a hundred, where's the fire?" The guy says, "well Officer, it is an emergency, I'm on my way to see a Patient." The Cop asks, "so your a Doctor huh?' The guy answers, "no Officer, I'm a rectum stretcher." The Cop says, "a what?" The guy explains, "yes Officer, when people have problems with their rectums, I stretch them out for them, first I work in one finger, then two, then four, then both my hands and I stretch and stretch until it's six feet wide." The Cop says, "that's ridiculous, what would anyone do with a six foot rectum?" The guys says, "that's easy, you give him a radar detector and stick him at the end of a bridge,"