Laws of the universe

[ASBO]

Here are some of the laws that govern our existence...

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch and/or you'll have to pee.



Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll or slide to the least accessible corner.



Law of probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.



Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.



Law of Variation
If you change traffic lanes or lines at the store, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.



Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.



Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.



Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.




Wilson's Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.



Law of the Telephone
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.



Law of Hot Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, you will be inspired (by youself or, more likely, your boss) to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.



Law of Window Cleaning
It's on the other side.



Law of Fixing or Replacement
If it jams...force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.



Theorem of Making Things Fit
If it doesn't fit, use a hammer.
If it still doesn't fit, use a sledge hammer.



The Dimensions Dilemna
Dimensions will always be expressed in the least useable terms. For example, velocity will be expressed in furlongs/fortnight.



Law of Universal Fit
Interchangeable parts won't (or don't?).



Law of Anxious Unpacking
The assembly and operation manual will be discarded with the packing material. The garbage truck will have it picked up five minutes before the mad dash to the rubbish can.



Axiom: The Carpenter's Rule "Measure Twice, Cut Once" Doesn't Apply to Electricians
Any wire cut to the exact measured length will be too short.



God in action.
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.



The Axiom of Near vs Far
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it

[hands11]

lmao nice one

[patience08]

lol very true.....