More laughter

[theguvnor]

> My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am?
>
> Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
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The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
>
> Talk about Dyson with death.

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Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.
>
> "Really," says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners
> go blind

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My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing
> at the foot of my bed.
>
> At first I was afraid then I was petrified.
>
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A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
>
> When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
>
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Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved,
> its all tongue and groove...
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Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have
> announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8...
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A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police
> say its definitely race related